I think the most important thing in life is to party, but not to have fun because those are two different things. Lana and I were standing on a deck.
“My dad’s girlfriend wants our band to fail,” I said. “Now we have to succeed just to spite her.”
“No we don’t. Your dad’s girlfriend is actually really nice once you get to know her.”
“You know her?”
“I did. Five years ago. I don’t think anyone has since then. She started a band and wrote really eclectic music that drove her insane. I have picture of her playing a drum.”
When you’re standing on a deck near a street look inside the cars. You’ll see people. Immediately stop looking; it was just a mirage or one of those half-asleep thoughts. You stopped just in time. Keep playing these games until your band takes off, then accept the mantle of rock stardom and write important music. But your band won’t take off because
For me playing Magic: The Gathering is about exploring new worlds, like doing drugs and getting addicted and exploring alleys.
“I once gave Magic cards to a kid and he was like ‘I don’t play Magic anymore!’ and his voice was really bitter and that was when I first realized I project an outer self that others judge, so I hit him with a jug.”
“It’s okay, I accepted in 5th grade that people are products of their circumstances and don’t do cruel things on purpose. I don’t accept it now though; I just blame myself, but since the self cant be isolated to a single entity I'm on shaky philosophical ground so I generally just let it go.”
I never have fun at parties, but I understand their importance in getting people to stand on decks and notice how nice decks are and buy one for their own home even if they don’t need them.
“When you’re playing guitar do you ever pretend God is watching you?”
“I see someone human, not eternal. I don’t like being watched by someone who can see my corpse. Looking at corpses is almost pornographic, but not quite so I let it go since I’m a moral absolutist.”
I was depressed so I sat down. It was the kind of lawn chair you could sit on and pretend you were running from the police or being the police or being a rogue detective who isn’t on the side of the police or the criminals: the kind that is the size and shape of an alley from a police film.,
“Someday I’ll get better at being confident in myself playing guitar,” I said. “And things will be like they were before.”
“I don’t know, at some point we have to move on. We can’t keep watching that dog run on the treadmill forever. At some point the dogs legs will fall off or he’ll get tired or bored.”
“I don’t mean watching the dog. I mean being happy.”:
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